I Waited for my Train and Picked Cotton

Garysburg, North Carolina - October 30, 2006

It was 7:30 a.m. Compared to the time in which Grandma Gola woke up to do her runs, I was getting up late. Seeing that the day had broken but my eye lids weren't ready to rise, I snoozed a tad longer. However, the call of the past shook me so that I couldn't stay in the fetal position but for so long. I was sleeping and awake at the same time. The spirits had me in the palm of their hands.

Aunt Cindy received news that Cousin Mae died just two days prior to my visit to Garysburg, North Carolina. She was only 25 years young. Cousin Mae died from cervical cancer---like Mom and Aunt Sarah. The only thoughts I had swimming in my mind when I heard the news was that I had to do better than Cousin Mae, Mom and Aunt Sarah. I couldn't afford to steal time. I got up!

Banana Blueberry oatmeal and juice was my breakfast of choice. Sweats and a shirt covered my body as I prepared to take a walk on a country road with no side walks. I didn't know where I was going. I just let the wind guide me to a destination even I wasn't prepared to face.

"Mornin'!" the brothers working in the yard spoke to me. Wearing overhalls and baseball caps, they maintained their smile until I was out of eye site! I gladly returned the greeting and gesture. After all, I was in the south. That's the way they do---be polite.

I picked up rocks the size of baby fists. Each had its own designs. Swirls of brown and caramel made for a great geological study. The collection would be for a cousin back north who is totally fascinated by things from the earth. Like following the yellow brick road, I had a bright idea to see where my path would lead. To the train tracks I went.

On the side of the tracks were iron nails that had popped from the wood. There were many, so I didn't see any harm in adding them to my collection of things.

TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT! TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT! From the distance, a train was headed in my direction. What to do? Stay or go? Stay or go? Then I remembered a scene from The Color Purple. In that moment, I became Celie. I wanted to wave to the conductor and any other person whose eye I could catch. Never having stood beside a track as a locomotive passed by, I stood. I waited for my train. This was my time to stand and feel the rush of life consume me.

Here it comes! TOOOOOOOOOOOT! TOOOOOOOOOT! The conductor and I waved with excitement. The next car of the train had a message for me. Henry Lee and Evan B. These were the names of some unknown folks before me. They sound like characters in a Huck Finn adventure. Black, white or indifferent---they were people I wanted to know about to see what they were thinking while waiting for their train.

Three minutes flew by as each car sped by me. I morphed into Grandma Gola who waited to cross the tracks when she was but twelve years old. The difference between she and I was that she had to cross the tracks to go to work and I was afraid to cross them because I wasn't sure what was on the other side. Nevertheless, I built up my courage to see the past and the future come together in a single moment.

A Color Purple moment awaited me, yet again. Beyond the tracks, beyond the pine trees lay a field of dreams. They were fluffy white clouds on twigs growing from the ground waiting to be picked. I wanted to run through the field of cotton and soak in their possibilities. They were once little seeds bursting through the dirt. They were now in full bloom. Thousands of little dreams were waiting to come true. I wanted them and I wanted to call upon my friends Kisha, Tracy, Tracey, Khalilah, Leslie, Liana, Carl, Shelby, One Luv, Robert, DJ, Mel, Adri, Tilea, Dre, Toy, Meisha, Brandon, Pepper, JeRee, Brice, Zoe, Zoey, Aliyah, Toussaint, Dangerous Minds, Yona, Marcus, Vic, Jamil, Helen, Kristin, Mary Helen, Delmario, Anika, Daniesha, Kwame, Marylin, Cherri, Raquel, Malcolm, Chiggy, Chris, Sandi, Mark, Monae, On Point, Portia, Danzell, Teri, Kamil, Carlos, Cedric, Tiara, Amari, Noah, Malik, Latoya, Richardson, Bailey, Ken, Jeanty, Sharde, Crystal, JaCentae, Damani, Damond, Kenji, Rhonda, KurojiNtu, Kadar, Milah, Russ, Padgett, Chantel...the list of dreamers is endless. There was enough of the dream to share. I got my piece and picked a few more, placed them in a bag and went back across the track. I had to tell the others where there dreams lie so they can pick one at a time and act on them.

I waited for my train and picked cotton. Now it's time for me to start making something of the little clouds and see my dreams and those of Grandma, Cousin Mae, Mom and Aunt Sarah through. And hey if your name is not listed, ...I picked one for you too.

-A. Brown Girl