Finding Ruby

In Memory of my favorite Pretty Girl.

Ma’s death taught me what I needed to know about life. It is short. You only get one. Live out your life’s dream. Have no regrets. It goes on. Each of those statements are finite. There are no commas to separate them into a series. They are one of a kind classic lines of literature that needs no sequel---as with life.

Finding Ruby
Taken from Traveling Letters by A. Brown Girl copyright (c) 2006

It was October 23, 2006. The sun was getting ready for its daily nap. I was to meet Sistah Girlfriend Ruby before she left to teach English in India. It would be our last face to face conversation for 6 weeks.

The winds blew heavy at the corner of 13th and U Streets in the District. My caramel flavored espresso had long since traveled through my body and the heat was somewhere near the bottom of my baby toe---and that was already frozen. I was cold but the dialogue kept me warm.

Ruby challenged me to answer the questions "How do you find yourself? Is there really such a concept?"

I pondered for fifteen seconds on how to best answer Ruby’s question. This was a sensitive moment for both of us as our lives became parallel within the last two years. We truly were in search of the best way to live out our life’s passion while remaining practical and responsibly handling our adult obligations.

“It does exist. Finding yourself is not a physical journey. It’s a spiritual revelation,” I suggested.

“Am I supposed to go to India and see myself waving in the front seat of the classroom 'Hi! I’m Ruby. I’ve been waiting for you?' Or sit next to myself on the plane and greeted with 'It’s been a long journey, I’ll pick it up from here,'” Ruby asked with playful sarcasm.

“Not at all, sis,” I began while trying to keep my brown digits warm. I wanted to count the ways she’d know true peace. However, I kept it as simple as I knew both of us to understand the answer.

Finding yourself is knowing your tolerance and being comfortable with your final answers without apologizing for them. Being happy despite obvious obstacles is the ultimate peace. You won’t have to really find yourself. Life will present you in your best form.

You’ll find yourself and all that you’re made of in the strangest places. When you forget who you are, that place will be available for you to visit, and you can reclaim what you lost. A. Brown Girl finds herself in the waters of the world, in the swaying trees, in the soggy sand, on railroad tracks built by immigrants, in the sound of a bird’s chirp, in rain drops, at a coffee shop and inside herself when no one is around to see her walking on a country road with pajama bottoms, a sorority shirt, tube socks and a pair of sneakers belonging to her eleven-year old cousin. Like the country road she walks, there are no side walks in life. Always, always take the main road. It is there you will find yourself---your glow.

On my continued search for truth, I hope to find you too.

-A. Brown Girl