This is in response to an article written in Essence (February 2007).
DISCLAIMER: I am in no way discouraging anyone's guilty pleasures at the strip club. No judgment. I indulge in baked goods A LOT.
BACKGROUND: A married man secretly goes to strip clubs for "A little live entertainment" mostly for diversity and to be tantalized by physically fit, beautiful women...only to go home and have sex with his wife. "I'll be so aroused I'll go home and have sex with her on a night when I might not have otherwise. After you've been married 18 years, sometimes you need a little extra spice. I don't see how that's a bad thing," he said. He goes on to say that he sometimes just tells his wife he's been out at Red Lobster with the fellaz...HUH ???
Here's my reply: Feel free to comment.
GIVE YOUR SINGLES TO YOUR WIFE by A. Brown Girl (c) 2007
Insomnia got the best of me and I thought I'd catch up on past issues of Essence. I couldn't help but peruse the article "My Secret Affair With Strip Clubs (February 2007)." I later recalled a chat I had with a male cousin (#cousinsareforever). He gave me the 411 on men and their visits to strip clubs. He even admitted, as did the anonymous writer in "My Secret...", that he built a friendship with one of the strippers.
DISCLAIMER: I am in no way discouraging anyone's guilty pleasures at the strip club. No judgment. I indulge in baked goods A LOT.
BACKGROUND: A married man secretly goes to strip clubs for "A little live entertainment" mostly for diversity and to be tantalized by physically fit, beautiful women...only to go home and have sex with his wife. "I'll be so aroused I'll go home and have sex with her on a night when I might not have otherwise. After you've been married 18 years, sometimes you need a little extra spice. I don't see how that's a bad thing," he said. He goes on to say that he sometimes just tells his wife he's been out at Red Lobster with the fellaz...HUH ???
Here's my reply: Feel free to comment.
GIVE YOUR SINGLES TO YOUR WIFE by A. Brown Girl (c) 2007
Insomnia got the best of me and I thought I'd catch up on past issues of Essence. I couldn't help but peruse the article "My Secret Affair With Strip Clubs (February 2007)." I later recalled a chat I had with a male cousin (#cousinsareforever). He gave me the 411 on men and their visits to strip clubs. He even admitted, as did the anonymous writer in "My Secret...", that he built a friendship with one of the strippers.
"She actually listens to what I have to say. We ask each other about our days," he shared.
His transparency tickled me, but he was also single at the time. Rock with it. Roll with it. Thank goodness, he has found the love of his life where he no longer needs to hang out with Stripper Angie for conversation.
My concern with the anonymous author's need to go to strip clubs as a married man is that he lies to his wife. It's really the lying for me. Hell, I've been to a strip club as a single woman before; the wings were amazing! It was hard to get aroused because I wasn't taking any of those men home. I was there to celebrate my girl's birthday and go home. Spending money on lap dances only to return home to get the release from someone who didn't author those sensations seems...well counterproductive. I'm calling out names, baby! 'Cause the way my greed is set up...Anyway...
His transparency tickled me, but he was also single at the time. Rock with it. Roll with it. Thank goodness, he has found the love of his life where he no longer needs to hang out with Stripper Angie for conversation.
My concern with the anonymous author's need to go to strip clubs as a married man is that he lies to his wife. It's really the lying for me. Hell, I've been to a strip club as a single woman before; the wings were amazing! It was hard to get aroused because I wasn't taking any of those men home. I was there to celebrate my girl's birthday and go home. Spending money on lap dances only to return home to get the release from someone who didn't author those sensations seems...well counterproductive. I'm calling out names, baby! 'Cause the way my greed is set up...Anyway...
Why start something you can't finish especially if makes you tick dance like Usher. It's like going to the grocery store, buying a steak, and leaving it on the counter saying, "I bet that steak tastes good. I'll just go home and have a spaghetti." Nope.com .org .edu. I am in no way demeaning the session he'd have with his wife, but I bet if he took as much energy into curing his steak at home, he might be able to maximize his pleasure with someone he love. OOPS...well, maybe there was no love there. Shoot...Let me mind my business.
Aside from encouraging wives to be more exploratory in their marriages where the bed is undefiled (ladies let's get it together in that area--me preaching to the choir when I decide to commit to someone again), I presented the problem, and now I offer the a few solutions:
1. Tell your wife your need for variety and then give her the money you would spend on lap dances to purchase wigs or Cosplay fits. If her bedroom attire is lacking, those singles you placed in the panties of a stranger can now be put to use on the panties you can nibble off in your own bedroom.
2. Suggest to your wife the need to increase your sexual experience by going to the gym together. If you like the toned legs and tight rear ends, there's nothing better than watching them work on the treadmill to your liking. The work out might help with your "Sexual Healing."
3. Make a playlist with your favorite songs that turn you on and create your own strip club. Get some multi-colored lights and then get to the action.
4. LAST RESORT: Take your wife with you and point out the moves you enjoy watching so she can try them at home.
There might not be consequences to going to a strip club, but I ask the author, how would he feel knowing some other man's penis was six inches from the lips you kiss at night. Lap dances might not tell, but another's sweaty body just might smell like the boiling pot at that Red Lobster you pretended to eat. Eww...
Here's wishing you the very best in and outside of your bedrooms.
A. Brown Girl
1. Tell your wife your need for variety and then give her the money you would spend on lap dances to purchase wigs or Cosplay fits. If her bedroom attire is lacking, those singles you placed in the panties of a stranger can now be put to use on the panties you can nibble off in your own bedroom.
2. Suggest to your wife the need to increase your sexual experience by going to the gym together. If you like the toned legs and tight rear ends, there's nothing better than watching them work on the treadmill to your liking. The work out might help with your "Sexual Healing."
3. Make a playlist with your favorite songs that turn you on and create your own strip club. Get some multi-colored lights and then get to the action.
4. LAST RESORT: Take your wife with you and point out the moves you enjoy watching so she can try them at home.
There might not be consequences to going to a strip club, but I ask the author, how would he feel knowing some other man's penis was six inches from the lips you kiss at night. Lap dances might not tell, but another's sweaty body just might smell like the boiling pot at that Red Lobster you pretended to eat. Eww...
Here's wishing you the very best in and outside of your bedrooms.
A. Brown Girl
4 comments:
Brown Girl,
I love it; you cover both sides of the field!!!! Lord help us!!!! A superwoman who has to teach these chumps to be Men.... Good job whipping these ladies into form too!!! Keep it up!!! Peace
Eborn
I think you are right on point. He needs to first go home and see if his wife would be willing to add spice before he looks for spice in other places. I think he might be pleasantly suprised. Maybe his wife might actually be tired of the same ole "missionary" moves that he has been giving her. Communication, communication, communication!
In the first place, any man who doesn't see any harm in going to a strip club, even if he "takes it home" to his wife, is already committing adultery in his mind; he's already being unfaithful to his wife. Secondly, he lies to her. Now there are two infidelities.
I have to disagree with you, Brown Girl, in that there would definitely be negative consequences to attending a strip club. For one, an immoral activity that objectifies women is thus supported. As well, it cheapens the sexual relationship between the husband and the wife if he's pointing out stripper moves to her that he wants her to perform while they sit in a strip club. How can a venue designed for the exploitation of sexuality offer anything of value for true sexuality? It would be like arguing that viewing pornography might be a healthy addition to a marital sex life.
I agree with you that the man should communicate with his wife and tell her about his needs in their sex life. Open communication in this intimate area is crucial to a happy, fulfilled relationship. At the same time, not every "need" (if that word is even accurate here, it's often really just a "want") is of equal value or deserves to be fulfilled. The husband and wife would have to discuss exactly what it is that he feels is lacking, or should be improved, and proceed from there. It might be simply something like he wants her to wear some sexy lingerie now and again, or be seductive (in a way that doesn't cheapen her). However, it might be that he wants to reduce her, in his mind, by her acting like a stripper. Just because one of the spouses has a sexual desire, doesn't make it legitimate. It should be discussed in a loving way, certainly, but it might not be something that should be catered to in every case.
The prevalence of pornography, strip clubs, and the like presents a truly destructive force in the lives of American men and in their love relationships. We must fight, as men, against this corruption, always seeking to love our women as women, as persons deserving of respect. We must always strive to avoid objectifying them. As for our women, ladies, you have to help we men in being the men we want, and need, to be for you, by holding yourselves up with pride and self-respect, not allowing your wonderful femininity to be cheapened and your beauty devalued.
Good words.
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