Give Your Singles to Your Wife...

This is in response to an article written in Essence (February 2007).
DISCLAIMER: I am in no way discouraging anyone's guilty pleasures at the strip club. No judgment. I indulge in baked goods A LOT.

BACKGROUND: A married man secretly goes to strip clubs for "A little live entertainment" mostly for diversity and to be tantalized by physically fit, beautiful women...only to go home and have sex with his wife. "I'll be so aroused I'll go home and have sex with her on a night when I might not have otherwise. After you've been married 18 years, sometimes you need a little extra spice. I don't see how that's a bad thing," he said. He goes on to say that he sometimes just tells his wife he's been out at Red Lobster with the fellaz...HUH ???

Here's my reply: Feel free to comment.

GIVE YOUR SINGLES TO YOUR WIFE by A. Brown Girl (c) 2007

Insomnia got the best of me and I thought I'd catch up on past issues of Essence. I couldn't help but peruse the article "My Secret Affair With Strip Clubs (February 2007)." I later recalled a chat I had with a male cousin (#cousinsareforever). He gave me the 411 on men and their visits to strip clubs. He even admitted, as did the anonymous writer in "My Secret...", that he built a friendship with one of the strippers. 

"She actually listens to what I have to say. We ask each other about our days," he shared.

His transparency tickled me, but he was also single at the time. Rock with it. Roll with it. Thank goodness, he has found the love of his life where he no longer needs to hang out with Stripper Angie for conversation.

My concern with the anonymous author's need to go to strip clubs as a married man is that he lies to his wife. It's really the lying for me. Hell, I've been to a strip club as a single woman before; the wings were amazing! It was hard to get aroused because I wasn't taking any of those men home. I was there to celebrate my girl's birthday and go home. Spending money on lap dances only to return home to get the release from someone who didn't author those sensations seems...well counterproductive. I'm calling out names, baby! 'Cause the way my greed is set up...Anyway...

Why start something you can't finish especially if makes you tick dance like Usher. It's like going to the grocery store, buying a steak, and leaving it on the counter saying, "I bet that steak tastes good. I'll just go home and have a spaghetti." Nope.com .org .edu. I am in no way demeaning the session he'd have with his wife, but I bet if he took as much energy into curing his steak at home, he might be able to maximize his pleasure with someone he love. OOPS...well, maybe there was no love there. Shoot...Let me mind my business. 

Aside from encouraging wives to be more exploratory in their marriages where the bed is undefiled (ladies let's get it together in that area--me preaching to the choir when I decide to commit to someone again), I presented the problem, and now I offer the a few solutions:

1. Tell your wife your need for variety and then give her the money you would spend on lap dances to purchase wigs or Cosplay fits. If her bedroom attire is lacking, those singles you placed in the panties of a stranger can now be put to use on the panties you can nibble off in your own bedroom.

2. Suggest to your wife the need to increase your sexual experience by going to the gym together. If you like the toned legs and tight rear ends, there's nothing better than watching them work on the treadmill to your liking. The work out might help with your "Sexual Healing."

3. Make a playlist with your favorite songs that turn you on and create your own strip club. Get some multi-colored lights and then get to the action.

4. LAST RESORT: Take your wife with you and point out the moves you enjoy watching so she can try them at home.

There might not be consequences to going to a strip club, but I ask the author, how would he feel knowing some other man's penis was six inches from the lips you kiss at night. Lap dances might not tell, but another's sweaty body just might smell like the boiling pot at that Red Lobster you pretended to eat. Eww...

Here's wishing you the very best in and outside of your bedrooms. 

A. Brown Girl

My Taxi Cab Confessions...NYC

This City Girl with Southern Roots finally took to the BIG APPLE…and boy did it bite me in the aspirin. Aside from the great food, fun times, and wisdom I learned along the way (more later), I had some hard knock lessons in taking cabs.

Let’s see, I was thrown out of one cab at the direction of “You can go now.” On a return trip to my hotel I was told to “Gimme the money,” rudely by a cabbie. I was later yelled at by another one after I asked, “sir, what’s the $2.50 for?” “You pay! It’s the law!” I’m like---in my head---what law? I really don’t understand.” So I kindly point out to him that I’m from out of town, and I don’t understand the way cab fare works. After a few huffs, he then says, “You have to pay it!” I decided to then put my R.I.F. skills in motion and look for something written that explains it. Ah! On the back of his seat it reads, “An initial fee of $2.50 plus $0.40 per mile makes up your fare.” Okay. I’m fine by that, I just wanted to know.

Next, my money wasn’t any good in another, “You have bills? I don’t want this,” the cabbie said in response to my dollar coins I used for fare. It was all I had, so that’s what I used. What did I do to deserve this treatment? Nothing but be polite, saying thanking and asking for further knowledge. It was after all this madness I just decided to look into the eyes of the drivers lined up near the hotel and decide which I would get into. Once inside, I would say nothing and hand my portion of the cab fare as I have been sharing with some colleagues of mine during a conference. This worked out well.

As the universe would have it, the conference leaders gave me a platform to publicly discuss my disgust with the New York City cab drivers and I was told, finally, that riders had rights. You wouldn’t know it by the rude behavior displayed by my drivers. I was instructed to inform the drivers I could take down their numbers and report them. So, I put this theory into practice.

My conference day ended. It was time to catch, yet another cab. My colleagues and I get one. He shouts to us with a frowned brow. “Where you go?” We tried to tell him while getting in the cab. He shouts something else and pulls off with my colleague hanging on to the handle of the cab door. Another one comes and he says he’ll take us where we need to go.

”We have two stops. Drop her off at 53rd and 6th and us at Macy’s,” my co-worker instructed.

“Okay. I’ll drop you off at Macy’s and take her last,” the cabbie said.

“No that’s not what we said. We…blah! Blah! Blah! We can take down your number sir. Blah! Blah! Blah!” she responded.

“For what? What you gonna take down my number for.”

There was a lot of back and forth, but I remained calm and made a silent decision. God gave us choices and with hundreds of other cabs running along Broadway, we can find one who will appreciate our business. One of my pet peeves is when people don’t listen.
I wrote on my newspaper, “We can get out, ” and shared it with my colleagues. They agreed. And I politely said, “Sir, you can let us out on the corner there, thank you.” He seemed a little startled but obliged. $3.90 was the fare and we hopped out, but not before I wrote down his number. Less than 60 seconds later, we hopped in another one.
We remained quiet for a minute---literally and then commenced to speak among ourselves. The ice breaker for the entire cab was a celebrity citing. My co-worker was so excited that the cab driver began to give us a little history on the folks he’d seen and the day, he almost remembers exactly, when Spike Lee hopped in for a ride. I knew his spirit was genuine when he said, “You know, we are all equal.” He also talked about God and how he made sure his daughter, now in her 3rd year of medical school at the age of 19, was brought up to always know she was “somebody.”
“Where are you from?” I asked.
“Haiti.”
“Cool.” I sat back in comfort in understanding that God has His way with the world when he sees fit.
The last forum discussed in my conference was about breaking barriers of cultural differences. In the grand scheme of things, we are all truly the same. Rich. Poor. Haitian. American. “We are all born and we all die,” the cabbie said. He also professed that no matter how much money you have, you can still be empty. He lost his wife some 8 years prior but he never forgot the time he lost his job and she laughed when he came home. She was happy because he was working so hard…and now he had a moment to relax. How about that…really…?
When it is our time to go, will we be most concerned that our dollar that wasn’t in paper? Or that we don’t know why we pay certain fees? Or that we really want somebody out of our space? Doubt it. I hope in that moment when the spotlight is on each of us, we will have given advice to someone that changed their life for the better. Initially, I included that cabbie’s number that I wrote down in this article. Just 10 seconds before writing this line, I highlighted it and hit delete. Now…I’m tossing the newspaper where it was written. It is not my place to judge. It is my place, however, to encourage each of you to enjoy your cab ride of life, slow down and continue to respect people even when they disrespect you. In the end, it will count.

In the words of the first woman I met in New York who’s camera was like mine…“Gotta Run!”

A. Brown Girl

A Star of a Time (c) copyright 2007
by Yolonda D. Coleman

How many people can actually claim to have been the first person to eat off a plate, drink out of a glass and sleep in the bed of a five star resort? I was one of the elite for 5 days and 4 nights at the Iberostar Rose Hall Resort. Having just opened on May 24, 2007, I was one of few who christened the second of three towers built in Montego Bay, Jamaica.

"The ambiance is beautiful," tourist Dane B. Jackson of GA admitted while drinking his made to order beverage from the bar. Iberostar provides all inclusive amenties to their guests. Set along blue, caribbean waters, Iberostar offers its temporary residents the comfort of majesty with West Indian Spanish influence with its stucco buildings surrounded by tropical landscapes.

Calypso and reggae music are played while you take your daily swim or simply sit on your patio just outside your resort room. Children play water sports and splash their brothers and sisters while parents drink rum punch at the swim up bar or engage in water aerobics with one of the resort instructors. For the little islanders who don't want to swim in the pool, Iberostar offers a separate children's play place with staffers to show the little ones a great time with games and other activities.

If the beachside activities aren't enough for you, Iberostar has an on staff booking agent to set up tours to see Bob Marley's beginnigs and final resting place, excursion trips to Dunn Waterfalls or other attractions in Montego Bay, Negril, or Kingston, Jamaica. If you're really in need of rest and relaxation, you can take advantage of the nail spa. However, your pampering isn't inside of a posh salon with lights, tea and crumpets. Your personal technician will be waiting to serve you in your room as you overlook the resort on your balcony.

When you've exerted all your energy, you can fuel up with a number of dining options. Iberostar offers food around the clock. Breakfast, lunch and dinner are served daily. *Room service is part of your package and when you're not feeling the buffet menu, you have an opportunity to make reservations at one of three onsite restaurants: Japenese cuisine at Samurai, steaks at Uncle Tony's, and cajun style food at Jambalaya. Don't be fooled that Jamaicans are dressed in Japanese chef attire or looking like they just came from a Mardi Gras event, they do the cuisine justice.

Iberostar doesn't skimp on the entertainment. You might run into what might look like some of your favorite celebrities such as Cher, Michael Jackson or hear tunes from movies like "The Titanic" or "The Dukes of Hazard" in the lounge and theater. The Iberostar staff performs Vegas style shows, tickle your funny bone with some comedy sketches. Be careful, you might be pulled on stage for a little audience participation to learn line dances or compete with your loved ones in a Star Friends game show. For the more relaxed player, enjoy a little billiards in the library, test out your strategy with chess and checkers in the game room or kick up your heels and have a smoke in the cigar lounge. When all the family fun is over, there is a night club and bar just a coconut throw away.

Whatever your vacation needs are, Iberostar should have something to satisfy your island taste buds. It will be "no problem, Mon," to see that your time at the resort is an enjoyable one.

For more information on Iberostar resorts around the world, log on to http://www.iberostar.com/.

Photo by Yolonda D. Coleman from her room.
*The number of restaurant reservations a guest can make is based on the number of days stayed at the resort. The buffet is available for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snack. Room service is available from 11am-11pm.

Jamaica Funk---the 2007 Remix

So...what does a teacher do after school is out for the summer? She hops in her car and head south starting on 301 to I95 to I85 and then hops on a plane to Jamaica. What a ride!

RESORT NAME: Iberostar in Montego Bay, Jamaica
Opened May 2007...

I haven't done lists in a while...so I thought I'd give you some A. Brown Girl Moments...'cause it only happens to me....
DISCLAIMER: I really had a great time relaxing...these are just my unfiltered thoughts. The write up is on www.coffeedreamzink.blogspot.com.

TOP THREE REASONS YOU SHOULD STAY AT A RESORT WHILE IT'S BEING BUILT:

3. You will be the first to eat off the plates and use the eating utensils fresh out of the wrapper.
2. You'll be the first to break in the bed (alone or with company...whatever your pleasure---You're grown! Ha! Ha!)
1. You'll be the first one to sit on the toilet seat

The Top 10 Draw backs to staying at a resort while it's being built:

10. You might as well be on pay roll trying to show yourself around---staff figured things out with us.
9. Your room might not be ready 'cause it's still being put together
8. The cable will go out...because they are still working on the wiring system
7. The lights will go out while you're taking a shower (refer to #8 for the reason)
6. The Habachi chef is still learning not to burn the eggs while preparing it in front of you (CAN WE SAY EXTRA OIL PLEASE?)
5. They are still working on keeping the seacreatures out of the beach area...that jelly fish stung the mess outta my knee! OUCH!
4. The tile from the bottom of the pool may be your catch of the day...(UM...let the glue dry before filling the pool with water and allowing guest to come in)
3. The bar tender is still working on that all inclusive fruit punch drink...(Um, pineapple juice and strawberry syrup IS NOT FRUIT PUNCH).
2. The staff has to learn how to give great service so they won't say, "UH, I don't think you know how tipping works around here..." This is after you've given them a decent tip...let's not be greedy.
1. The door to your room might not be secure if housekeeping can open the door with her all her might and break the chain.

Feeling Irie,
A. Brown Girl