I thought I was cured of mourning and would live the rest of my life in joy. A one day trip on roads unfamiliar to me brought mixed emotions. The morning after my arrival brought unstoppable tears. I Miss Mommy, but I am prepared to walk the rest of my journey in confidence.
It's been four years since she transitioned from earth to a place of peace and tranquility. She went "Home". None of us who love her could go with her. She knew, more than any of us, she had to prepare herself for the journey whether we wanted to prepare with her or not. Because I watched her grow beyond my understanding, I welcomed a road trip to Lafayette College in Easton, Pennsylvania, alone. The open road, New Edition songs, and curiosity were my company.
Road signs for the Pocono Mountains, a place mom visited long ago, Bethleham, and Nazareth gave me a preview of a journey I wasn't ready to face. The spirit of Mom overwhelmed me in my Residence Inn bed while watching a show that revealed a past I often think about and wish daily that I had a chance to let Mom know just how much I love her and appreciate the woman she had been in my life. I'm blessed to have been with children whose lives I touched. I'm blessed to have seen them on the brink of graduation from private colleges announcing to me they have jobs immediately after getting their degree. While they enjoyed themselves at an after party, I retreated to a hotel room to reflect, alone.
After nursing a sore throat, achy body, and stuffy nose I acquired in one day, I cried and cried while watching a televsion mother say goodbye to her children, husband, and friend. Her last moment alive was a glimpse she shared with her mother who understood, without words, that the time had come for her daughter to die. I was reminded of the time Mom and I shared a conversation two days before her death. She said, "Mommy is tired." She was prepared. Much like my great, great grandfather who was only sick once in his life at 105 years old. After a week of being ill, he went to see the pastor to make arrangements, came home and told his daughter, I don't want anything else to eat or drink and told the Lord, "I've been here long enough." A week later he died.
My journey, I realize, has to encompass more strength than I've given it, even when no one is there to hold my hand, hug me, tell me I'm great, or to be my cheerleader. I have to push on until my assignment is done. The way I see it, I have many more road trips ahead of me to tell you that a world of unknown roads are waiting for you to travel them. They are waiting for you to uncover the parts of your life that make you appreciative of the past so you can enjoy the present and look forward to the future.
When you stop crying about whatever, decide to get out the bed. You have to take the first step to see how the rest of your life will unfold.
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